Wow...

Well, my father finally made to call to the airlines today and it turns out that International flights fill up fast especially when your not paying. I the airlines only allows a certain amount of Miles users on a flight and they were booked up well into July. In addition, the miles that we had were only enough for 2 people which would have been ok if we could have gotten the dates that we needed. Considering that the guys and I need to get jobs for the summer, taking a 2 week break in the middle of the summer doesn't really appeal to a employer.

So, that means no Scotland, no West Highland Way, no highlands, no scotch, no nothing. However, I'm doing my best to stay optimistic. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to revisit my White Mountains trip. Being a little older and wiser maybe a second glance with a wiser eye will make for a better planned trip. I guess I can't complain, at least now I have a completely planned out trip waiting for me next summer. If I have the cash you can bet that's where I'm gonna be next EARLY JUNE before the midges come out.

I don't know what this means for the blog though. I'll keep it going for now, especially if I get a trip together for this summer. We'll see, having those two weeks free will give me a much better chance of landing a job at the Scout Camp. I don't know what the future holds for me but I know that tomorrow is another day and every day is different and there is nothing we can do about it. So for now I won't waste time worrying about it.

Back to the drawing board. Long Trail section hike? AT section hike? Heading West? South? Who knows I'm sure it will all work out for the best in the end.

Until then catch ya on the flip side.

Change

Well, we just wrapped up all of our exams for this week. I only had 3 and John had similar. Austin had 6 or 7. It's nice to have them over with. It's funny this week I found myself looking back at my academic career over the past 12 years. My overall conclusion was that I have yet to fully push myself. I've never spent hours studying, in fact I can't think of the last time I studied for more than a half hour. I've never fully applied myself at any school related assignment. It's slightly disappointing but it's truth. I'm not going to lie.

After thinking on these things, I started thinking about college. I wondered whether or not I had the power to fully push myself. I mean, from here on out, school costs money and there are people out there that would give anything to go to college. So I guess that means that its time to buckle down and prepare myself, mentally, for the next few years. Hopefully, I can start to form some new habits before I go.

I've never been very good with change. Since I was a small child change has always been a difficult thing. Objects in my room stay the in the same position for years. Not because they are forgotten but because I can't imagine them anywhere else. I avoid change at all costs and generally just don't like it. For example:

I can't remember how old I was or what year, they all seem to blurr together, (and I'm still young!) At my Boy Scout Camp for the first two years of my career we stayed in this small campsite right by the lake and close to most of the facilities. As the troop grew we no longer could fit in this little campsite, so we were forced to move to a campsite farther up the hill. At the time I was so pissed and upset. How can we stay anywhere else? I convinced myself in the matter of a few minutes that this new campsite is gonna suck.

When we walked into the campsite I was still convinced that there was no way that this week at camp was going to be any good and I might as well just pack up and go home now. After a few days I couldn't have felt any more like a fool. This new campsite was awesome, it had new showers and bathrooms. It had an area to play football or have massive water gun war. It was perfect!

I look back at this story and draw hope from it because my life is on the verge of a huge change and I'm like a cat being held over a bucket of water, clinging to anything I can to stay out of that water. I can only hope that my worries and negative thoughts will be proved wrong like they were in the story. It's funny there are few places in this world that I feel completely happy and comfortable and that campsite is one of them.

I know what most of you would say to me if we were talking right now, "you have time" or "don't worry about things so far ahead" but I can't because I am a planner. Remember, "Assume nothing. Plan for everything. Plan some more." that's me. I plan, I break everything down into an exact plan, I can deal with the changes and I thank God that I've been blessed with a resourceful mind but I really like my plans.

I once gave a talk on this subject for a retreat, the theme of my talk was that you don't make the plans, God does. So for now, I find myself repeating those words over and over again. I can only hope that it helps, I've developed a weak stomach from over active acid and minor panic attacks.

Well that's enough of my bitchin' and moanin' for now. I hope all of your lives are going well, I'll be praying for all of you, even those that I don't know.

"May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand."

Catch ya on the flip side.

It's Final.

Well, as of tonight at 8:00 PM the trip has become official. The final crew is as follows, John Silhavy, Austin Bernaiche, Joe McCartin, and Me, Ian. I'm looking forward to it, more then ever before. A long term goal to work for and to keep my eye on. My stomach has grown worse so it's great to have something positive to work for.

I think we're all basically ready, besides maybe a few gear issues but other then that I think we are ready. I've put in a lot of planning time and I think it has finally paid off. Which is great because after talking with some of the parents a meeting will be coming up soo and I think I'm ready. I've never planned a trip this big before but I know that I can. The OCD within helps. haha.

Now the last part is getting in shape for it all. Granted the Lacrosse season is before the trip which will help me out a lot and the other boys as well. I'd also like to keep the hikes up with Big Man though, I could use the escape and practice with the whole routine and stuff. I have a lot of new gear so it will be good dto test it all out before we go.

Hope you are all equally has happy and healthy. Catch on the flip side.

Onward and Upward!!

Well today Big Man, Nick and I headed out to one of our favorite spots, Bear Mountain. It was pretty cold today but clear for most of the day. The views were good and the company was equally enjoyable. The trail was pretty tough, the snow makes for hard walking. My legs are killing me but it felt worth it.

While walking up Bear Mt. I was thinking about this fable/story that has been in my mind for a long time now. It goes like this:

One day a young boy was walking home from church, feeling very lonely. He felt that in his crowded life he just couldn't connect with God. So he went out, he walked from sea to sea, searching for the highest and most magnificent mountain he could find. As he travelled he began to enjoy his travels. Meeting new people, seeing new places, he couldn't imagine any other life then this.

After many days and nights of walking the boy found a massive mountain, at first glance it was very intimidating. He didn't think that he could make it to the top. Regardless he started his long climb. Each day he would hike and rest, hike and rest, hike and rest. Until one day he found himself high up in the clouds on the summit of this beautiful mountain.

"God, I've come to see you. Here I am!", he exclaimed.

He heard nothing but the breeze through the trees.

Again he yelled, "God, I've searched wide and far to find the highest mountain just so I could be closer to you."

God replied, "My son, I'm glad that you've learned to enjoy this beautiful world that I made for you but I've been with you since you started your journey. I was there when you were tired, when you were hungry, when you were sad. I was with you at the bottom of this mountain and I am here with you now on the top of the world. You need not travel so far and wide to be closer with me, I am with you at all times. But if you should feel lonely or distant you need only do what makes you happy because that is where I truly am."

The boy looked down at his feet, feeling slightly foolish but loved. He noticed that after all his travels he had changed. He was know a man and it was time for him to continue his life. After talking with God he headed down the mountain and lived a great life. However, he always made time to take the long journey to the top of the mountain, to be with God, to be happy.

I especially like it because at times I find myself wondering why on earth I would want to hike on the coldest day of the year? I have many answers for this question, maybe I'm like the boy from the story, just trying to get that much closer to God.

So I say to all of you, Onward and Upward to God or Whoever you want. Do what makes you happy and do it often. Do it for yourself, your family, friends, God, whoever because it can't hurt right? Maybe that's what the world needs, a little happiness, a little closeness.

Stay warm and I'll catch ya on the flip side.

Update...

Well, its been a while since my last post and I've been pretty busy. To start of my father and I managed to find another crown vic. Exaclty the same as the old one with a few more miles but a much better interior or as Big Man said "you pimp..."

I also spent all of last weekend working on the trip. I found a few flaws and mistakes in my planning and hopefully caught most of them. I've started in on the more specific details because my nerves are starting to get a hold of me. I'm somewhat nervous about my pack weight right now because its just about 32 pounds. Granted it will be going down as I eat food and etc, but it still worries me alittle. On the gear side of things I think I'm good, however, I'm also mulling over the idea of getting a pair of boot-trail runner hybrid. Its basically a boot with a lower cut and thinner soul but we'll see.

This weekend Nick, Big Man and I will be heading out to our favorite little spot, Bear Mountain, for a warm up. I'm hoping to get back in the swing of things, backpacking wise. I really want to get back into the groove, I've really missed getting out their the past few months.

Overall, I can't complain. My life is getting better by the day and compared to how things could have been and used to be, I can't complain. I hope all of your lives are going well and I wish you all the best.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Back up?

Well, today I have good news to post. In fact it's very good. I just got my acceptance letter from St. Anselm and Hartwick College. So that leaves me with a choice, at least. The other good news is that we managed to buy a new car with the insurance money. Guess what? It's a crown vic with about the same mileage and a better interior then the last one. I just couldn't resist a crown vic. They are such good and safe cars.

With that I've also managed to afford alot of the gear that I needed for the trip. I had alot of gear before but it's a little out dated and some of it is not the best. So a special thanks to all who helped make this possible either through money or gift cards.

Lastly, My friend Nick and I are planning a backpacking trip to Bear Mtn sometime this month. Bear Mtn is a nice area and thanks to the Big Man I know the area pretty well. We also planned a multi-day trip that combines our Bear Mtn trip and our Mt. Race trip. Hopefully, we can get out a couple of times over the next couple of months. I'd like to try some new areas that I haven't been to yet. Not to mention I'm feeling sick due to the fact that I haven't been hiking in such a long time.

That's all for now. I hope all of your lives are working out too. Catch ya on the flip side.

What comes up, must come down.

I know that I've said in previous posts that often, in life, you can be at the top of the world one minute and the next the lowest. The past month or so have been great. I got my college applications done early, I got a job, and I truly had nothing to complain about. Well last weekend, while driving home from a basketball game at the school, I hit a patch of black ice and lost control of my car. I headed into oncoming traffic and came close to hitting someone. I turned as fast as I could react, closed my eyes and headed for a construction site on the right side of the road. When I opened them I was facing the road in the parking lot. The tire was busted up pretty good and the rear view mirror on my side was broken. I called my parents and we contacted a tow truck service, they said it would be about an hour before they could get to us. When my dad went back to the site to meet the tow truck he found that a former teammate of mine had flipped his 4Runner directly on top of my car.

You may think me a liar but its true. That night many amazing things happened. First of all, after going over the curb and a small grass island my car somehow spun 180 degrees coming within inches of a brick pillar. In fact, the rear view mirror hit the side of the pillar. I know that I didn't move the wheel, I had already braced myself for impact. Second, the length of the patch of road that was dangerous that night was about 80 ft long, my teammate managed to flip his car on top of the safest six feet on that stretch. According to EMT's and Firemen from the town my car saved the boys from being crushed by the roof of the car. It's a bitter sweet moment but its hard to handle. To me my car was my last connection to my grandfather (it had been his first and he left it to me after his death last fall). It may sound weird to some of you but I truly felt one with the car and one with my grandfather.

That all happened on Friday night, the same night I received two letters of deferral from my number one choice and my back up schools. I had applied early decision for both but clearly do not have what it takes to be accepted. On Monday, I went to work and was told that job cuts were imminent and it is very likely that tomorrow I will be "let go".

There is very little "good" that I can pull from all of this. I lost my car, my future, and my job. If the dog dies within the next few days I think I'll write a country song. I've found it hard over the past few days to keep my head up but reading my blog has helped. As Snyder's Law states, when you find yourself at the top prepare for the bottom because it's coming. However, if this law is true then I should be starting my journey back to the top. It's the Christmas Season, so who knows, right?

I'll include some of the pictures from the crash, you may find them interesting. It's been a long year and I'm ready for a new beginning. I pray that all of your lives are going well and that you all enjoy the Christmas season.






Catch ya on the flip side.

My Own Walden Pond

Well this weekend I made one of the greatest discoveries thus far in my life. While surfing the net I stumbled upon a company called Tumbleweed Houses. This company produces "tiny" houses all under a 1000 square feet and a few as low as 89 sq ft. I instantly fell in love with the second smallest the Epu. The pictures are all here with all of the interior except the bathroom shown. Its everything I could ever want and its moveable. It sells for around $45,000. Which I guess is alot for such a smalle home but its a great long term investment that a recent student can certainly afford.

When I saw it all I could think of was Thoreau's little cabin in the woods. I bet if he still lived today he would have one. It such a great little personal spot. So with that being said, I've decided that as soon as I can I will apply for a loan and purchase this treasure. I hope they are still in business when that time comes. I figure it will be perfect for me if I end up in the outdoor education business. I imagine most of you will think me crazy but at least when the time comes I'll know that I did my best to cut down on pollution and the destruction of our awesome planet.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Flying High

Well first of all, a Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Could we have asked for a more perfect day? Clear and cool with a slight wind, it was perfect. I spent the morning out in my backyard enjoying a nice fire and the woods that border my backyard. It sure was nice to have some time for myself. I hope you all had an equally enjoyable day.

As for the trip we had a great advance in our airfare situation today. My dad finally got my grandpa's AA rewards card from my grandma. Good news, my grandfather left us over 100,000 miles. However, most of them expire in April '09. Worse case scenario we have to split the price of one ticket three ways, I know its awful isn't it. Best case scenario is that we pay absolutely nothing for our airfare. Thanks Poppa.

I have to say that things couldn't be going any better than they are right now but as Snyder's law states, whenever you find yourself on the way up prepare yourself for the way down. I've spent alot of time hiking and I can tell you that most of the time this is the case. Eventually you always have to go back down. I hoping that we can ride this ridge for as long as possible. I thank God for OUR great fortune. We have nothing more to ask for besides our good health and saftey.

It's funny because it was just a few weeks ago I posted my "tired..." entry. I guess its a perfect example of the crazy lives that we all live. The valleys always feel so low and the mountains always feel so high, if I could just stay at the treeline I would be happy forever.

Well that's all for tonight, Catch ya on the flip side.

More Good News!!!

Wells things have just been getting better by the day. I'll start with Austin. Tomorrow will be Austin's first day of work. Which is great news for the group in general considering we can't go to Scotland without it. Hopefully this new job will work out for him and make it possible for him to come with us.

As for John, he is back at work with Ski Market and working hard on his Eagle Scout project. Hopefully everything will work out for him. He doesn't have that much time before he turns 18, the cut off for the badge. I know he will finish in time and be a great Eagle Scout.

Things haven't changed much for me, I'm busy with work and school. Just keeping my head down and pushing through. I can't wait to graduate and go to Scotland but thank God for things like Lacrosse and friends to keep me going. Hope all your lives are going well too. Sorry I don't have more time to post.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Update...

I know its been a while since I posted last but I've been very busy. I'll start off with the good news. I started working FULL TIME! I work 3 days a week right after school. If things stay as they are right now I should have more than enough money to pay for the trip and the best part is that I can afford to take the Lacrosse Season off. I pray that everything continues to work out. With that my grades are also in an equally good situation and I hope to keep them that way for the rest of the year. It looks like things are finally falling into place.

As for today, I spent the just about the whole day finishing up my last major phase of planning. I have our Trip Summary/Itinerary all done. My mileage is finally figured out, just about every day is 1o miles. My budget is done and I know this sounds bad but the way the economy is going is good news for us. Lastly, I have my packing list done and I'm weighing in at 31 pounds. That's better than my trip to the whites!

As my friends at the North Face say, Assume nothing, plan for everything then plan some more. I'm happy for it to be done for the most part. Just a few more things to iron out. I hope that all of your lives are going equally as well.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Afraid of the Dark

If you've been reading this blog then you will know that I often bring this subject up. I don't do it purposely, I promise, but it always seems to come up again. I was reading more of Walden today and stumbled upon this quote:

Sorry about the cut but you can still make it out. I love how when I read Walden I often make connections with it and Thoreau's thinking. I've left you all with my quote multiple times: "I'm not afraid of the dark, I just prefer the light." I think that anyone who has spent time out in the wild could easily connect with Thoreau and I. When your out there and the only light is coming from the moon you realize what darkness truly is. I will not lie to you, when that darkness rolls in you react in one of two ways. Either you feel completely relaxed or you feel on edge and fearfull. Thoreau goes on to talk about that some of his best moments at Walden were in the dark late at night. After reading that, I want you to go outside tonight and observe how light is. Even at night we do whatever we can to keep it light. I promise you that more then half of you will not be able to find a truly dark spot tonight.

My other point from this quote would be Thoreau's remark about candles and Christianity. For my entire life I've been a Catholic. I became really involved over the past few years and even thought about becoming a priest. Over the past few months things have changed, I started thinking about the power that religion has over us. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God and the Catholic Church but I do think that religion is especially attractive to the weak, to the scared, to the hopeless. Religion makes you feel safe, it makes you feel like everything is going to be ok. There is nothing wrong with that feeling but after dealing with many people I can tell you that most people in church don't believe because they want to or because they truly believe. They go to church and pray everyday because either they fear what will happen if they don't or they need the comfort that you get from it. They do not truly believe in God or his awesome power, they believe that "As long as I pray everyday and I go to church every sunday I will be saved". It's sad but true. Many of the so called "Jesus Freaks" are actually simply scared of life and need something to comfort them.

Religion is a touchy subject but the most important thing is to stick with what you believe. Don't let others change your mind. In the end your going to have to answer for yourself. You can't blame others for your decisions, you can only blame yourself.

As for the candle remark, I don't know what I would do without my tea-lites. Catch ya on the flip side.