Well, we just wrapped up all of our exams for this week. I only had 3 and John had similar. Austin had 6 or 7. It's nice to have them over with. It's funny this week I found myself looking back at my academic career over the past 12 years. My overall conclusion was that I have yet to fully push myself. I've never spent hours studying, in fact I can't think of the last time I studied for more than a half hour. I've never fully applied myself at any school related assignment. It's slightly disappointing but it's truth. I'm not going to lie.
After thinking on these things, I started thinking about college. I wondered whether or not I had the power to fully push myself. I mean, from here on out, school costs money and there are people out there that would give anything to go to college. So I guess that means that its time to buckle down and prepare myself, mentally, for the next few years. Hopefully, I can start to form some new habits before I go.
I've never been very good with change. Since I was a small child change has always been a difficult thing. Objects in my room stay the in the same position for years. Not because they are forgotten but because I can't imagine them anywhere else. I avoid change at all costs and generally just don't like it. For example:
I can't remember how old I was or what year, they all seem to blurr together, (and I'm still young!) At my Boy Scout Camp for the first two years of my career we stayed in this small campsite right by the lake and close to most of the facilities. As the troop grew we no longer could fit in this little campsite, so we were forced to move to a campsite farther up the hill. At the time I was so pissed and upset. How can we stay anywhere else? I convinced myself in the matter of a few minutes that this new campsite is gonna suck.
When we walked into the campsite I was still convinced that there was no way that this week at camp was going to be any good and I might as well just pack up and go home now. After a few days I couldn't have felt any more like a fool. This new campsite was awesome, it had new showers and bathrooms. It had an area to play football or have massive water gun war. It was perfect!
I look back at this story and draw hope from it because my life is on the verge of a huge change and I'm like a cat being held over a bucket of water, clinging to anything I can to stay out of that water. I can only hope that my worries and negative thoughts will be proved wrong like they were in the story. It's funny there are few places in this world that I feel completely happy and comfortable and that campsite is one of them.
I know what most of you would say to me if we were talking right now, "you have time" or "don't worry about things so far ahead" but I can't because I am a planner. Remember, "Assume nothing. Plan for everything. Plan some more." that's me. I plan, I break everything down into an exact plan, I can deal with the changes and I thank God that I've been blessed with a resourceful mind but I really like my plans.
I once gave a talk on this subject for a retreat, the theme of my talk was that you don't make the plans, God does. So for now, I find myself repeating those words over and over again. I can only hope that it helps, I've developed a weak stomach from over active acid and minor panic attacks.
Well that's enough of my bitchin' and moanin' for now. I hope all of your lives are going well, I'll be praying for all of you, even those that I don't know.
"May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand."
Catch ya on the flip side.
